The Hidden Power of Play: Building Connection and Emotional Intelligence
Parenting is a full-contact sport. Between navigating schedules, managing emotions (our kids' and our own), and tackling the endless to-do list, it’s easy to overlook the simplest tool in our parenting toolkit: play. Yet play is one of the most profound ways we can connect with our kids, foster emotional intelligence, and help them thrive.
As parents, we often view play as something kids do on their own—a break for us to get other things done. But when we step into their world of play, we’re doing so much more than just passing the time. We’re creating opportunities to connect, model emotional regulation, and build trust. Play isn’t just a luxury; it’s an essential part of childhood and a powerful tool for parenting.
Why Play Matters
At its core, play is how kids process their world. It’s how they learn to navigate relationships, solve problems, and express their emotions. Through play, they practice skills they’ll carry into adulthood—creativity, empathy, and resilience.
But play isn’t just for kids. When we engage in play with our children, we’re building connection and signaling that we’re present with them. This connection fosters emotional safety, which is the foundation for healthy emotional development. Play also creates a space where kids feel seen, heard, and valued, which strengthens their sense of self-worth.
The Link Between Play and Emotional Intelligence
Emotional intelligence is about understanding and managing emotions—both our own and others'. It’s a skill that starts in childhood and continues to develop throughout life. Play offers a natural way to teach emotional intelligence:
Recognizing Emotions: Through imaginative play, kids explore feelings like frustration, excitement, fear, and joy. By naming and acknowledging these emotions during play, we help them build a vocabulary for what they’re feeling.
Practicing Empathy: Playing games or taking on different roles in pretend play encourages kids to see the world from someone else’s perspective.
Learning Regulation: Games with rules—even simple ones like taking turns—teach kids how to manage impulses and cope with disappointment when things don’t go their way.
Practical Ways to Incorporate Play
You don’t need hours of free time or elaborate setups to make play a meaningful part of your day. Here are some simple ways to start:
Follow Their Lead: Let your child guide the play. Whether they want to build a fort, play make-believe, or show you their latest Lego creation, your willingness to join in sends a powerful message.
Be Fully Present: Put away distractions (yes, that means the phone) and give them your undivided attention for even just 10-15 minutes. It’s not about the quantity of time but the quality of connection.
Get Active: Physical play—like tag, hide-and-seek, or dancing—releases endorphins and strengthens bonds. Bonus: It’s great for stress relief (for both you and your kids).
Embrace Pretend Play: Whether you’re hosting a pretend tea party or pretending to be pirates, imaginative play encourages creativity and emotional exploration.
Play Games with Rules: Card games, board games, or even “Simon Says” help kids practice patience, focus, and emotional regulation.
The Role of Video Games in Play
Screens are often a concern for parents, but video games are also a significant part of many kids’ lives—both socially and culturally. When approached thoughtfully, video games can be a bonding experience and a meaningful form of play.
Playing video games together has been a particularly special way to connect with my own kids. It allows us to step into their world and share in something they genuinely enjoy. While video games shouldn’t be the only form of play, they can provide a unique opportunity to build connection and show interest in what matters to your child.
For families who allow video games, here are some ways to make them a positive part of your playtime:
Know the Games: Learn which games are important to your kids and why. Understanding the storyline, mechanics, or goals of their favorite games shows them you care about their interests.
Play Together: If possible, join them in playing. Whether it’s a cooperative game or simply taking turns, shared play builds camaraderie and trust.
Acknowledge Progress: For progressive games, take an interest in their achievements or challenges. Ask about their goals and celebrate milestones with them.
Balance Is Key: While video games can be great, they’re best balanced with other forms of play, like outdoor activities, creative projects, or imaginative play.
What If Play Doesn’t Come Naturally?
For some of us, play can feel awkward or even exhausting after a long day. That’s okay. The key is to start small and be genuine. You don’t have to be the most creative or energetic parent—your presence is what matters. Sometimes, just sitting nearby while your child plays and showing interest in what they’re doing is enough to build connection.
If you’re struggling to find the energy, try thinking of play as an investment. Those few minutes of undivided attention can lead to fewer power struggles, better communication, and a deeper bond with your child.
Final Thoughts
Play is more than just fun; it’s foundational. It strengthens our relationships with our kids, nurtures their emotional intelligence, and reminds us to slow down and savor the moment. By prioritizing play, we’re not only helping our kids grow but also deepening the connection that makes parenting so meaningful.
So, the next time your child asks you to play, consider saying yes. It might just be the most important thing you do all day.
